melbourne melange

Unemployed

2006-11-07T10:42:00.000+11:00

This is the first time I have had no job since I was 16.
And even then I am still tutoring. haha

It's a far cry from July-September when I was working full time Mon-Fri, doing census delivery and collection 7 days a week and tutoring on saturdays...

With 2 weeks to go things are a little crazy.

Well the only real things left to do are sell our car and pack.

But selling the car is proving to be the difficulty at the moment!

Anywho

13 mins

2006-10-31T15:54:00.000+11:00

Hey 7 months ago i posted about having 7 months till I go overseas.....

It's now 13 minutes till I finish work and 3 weeks till I fly out.

Incredible!

That is all.

Dos Dias

2006-10-17T15:57:00.000+10:00

Hey there

So there are only 10 working days till the end of my tenure at this work place.
I will be just shy of 3 years (by 10 days!)
And there are 5 weeks from today till I will be on a plane en route to the rest of my life.

Few things I've learnt this week:

1. 6 Star enviro friendly buildings are not necessarily 6 star people friendly buildings

2. Adelaide is dry - but the people are warm

3. Claratyne don't work when the hayfever weather don't quit

4. People who steal ipods from people's cars are a-holes

5. when you only have 2 weeks left of work you don't give a cr ap.

outtie

Moving Out and On

2006-10-10T10:39:00.000+10:00

parts of life are necessarily frustrating I think.

take moving house for example. it has to have mishaps and problems, otherwise it's just not right. your truck load has to be too big to make one trip, and your booked storage unit has to be too small. you have to cut your hand and burn your fingers, put your back out and strain your neck. but in the end it always works out despite the fatigue and the arguments - you can always sit back and laugh.

it has come to my attention that certain people in the world - i won't name names - are incompetent fools. some, drunk on their own desire for career progression and glory, forget what it means to be in a team of colleagues. others deliberatly patronising and arrogant, tick people off to the limits where they just don't want to keep working. don't you hate puppets?

in other news i've resigned so the above will only matter to me for another 3 weeks.

with all the sunshine outside its amazing to think that working is actually one of those necessarily frustrating constraints on enjoyment of life we have to endure.

le mensonge donne des fleurs, mais pas de fruits
- Proverbe Africain

(Lies give flowers, but not fruit)

When 6 weeks became 4

2006-09-29T10:18:00.000+10:00

I have a good friend who taught me to question difficult situations or decisions by asking "Will it matter in five years?"

It make you really not "sweat the small stuff" in life and puts so many mundane and ridiculous "problems" into perspective.

This week has been a particularly ordinary working week and with the "five years" question ringing in my ears - I decided to ask myself - will it matter in 6 weeks or hey, will it matter in 4?

With that in mind I've made the decision to resign from work on the 31st October and that way not have to even worry about all the "small stuff" that drives me bonkers.

On an unrelated matter let's just say that too much whisky and your girlfriends shoes don't match.

Pick a Card, Any Card

2006-09-18T16:54:00.000+10:00

Today I am over the moon because I've got my VISA approved.
Not my 55 days interest free, low interest rate, no ongoing fee plastic fantastic card...
But my 2 year settlement visa for the UK!!!
Awesome!

That is all

Melbourne en Printemps

2006-09-13T12:18:00.000+10:00

Well Spring certainly has sprung upon melbourne.
The sun is out, the temperature's warm and hayfever has set in.
I think it's probably there are three ideal times in Melbourne throughout the year:
1. January at Australian Open time - It's hot, the city buzzes and there is something good to watch on TV each night
2. May - It's cool, the leaves are changing colour, you can do all sorts of cool indoor's stuff like have coffee and go to galleries
3. September - It's warming up, you can start to picture summer days and you know the year is coming to a close.

When I was younger and had something bad to get through, I used to always picture what I would be doing immediately after that bad event and focus on how good it would feel to not have to do that thing anymore.
I applied this to all manner of bad events - music exams, music lessons, cricket matches on Saturday mornings and trips to the dentist.
I applied it to my trip to the dentist on Monday and it still works.
By the way I have 32 fully functional, hole-less and now very clean teeth!

The obligatory countdown:
43 work days.
58 days till no more work
68 days till we fly out!

Where oh Where has my little dog gone

2006-08-29T13:04:00.000+10:00

Apparently Pluto is no longer a planet. Well it is a dwarf planet - and no Bean Bag Boy, not in the sense of Margaret Cho's midget...

Now for most of us, like me, I don't really care, and can't believe that they actually spend billions of dollars defining balls of gas and rocks floating around in space.

But the MX cared, ALOT! They did a 4 page spread on it.

But the best part was what the 8-9 year old kids at Cheltenham Primary School (I made that up I can't remember what school it was) said about it. Including:

"I think it's sad because I have always thought about Pluto being there, and now it's not."

"I am really sad because I thought of Pluto as a friend and now I don't have that friend anymore."

Come on kids...... It's a ball of gas and rocks floating in space - it ain't ever gonna come over and play tag with you in your back yard. And if it did - you better run fast......

83 days till we fly out of the country
73 days till I finish work
53 work days till I finish work

3 mois

2006-08-21T11:27:00.000+10:00

Walking the streets of Oakleigh South and Clayton South might be fun for some:
dog walkers, garbage fossickers, street hoe's.... But for a census collector it is a royal pain in the fesse.

Now I hate being bothered by telemarketers, indian call centres and door to door researchers as much as the next person, but which part of government"census of population" didn't you quite get people? Its the same people who refuse to fill it in, that flood the talkback radio stations and letters to the editor with whingeing and whining about not enough hospital beds and not enough roads and why isn't the government doing more for me..... Well, you want the government to know you exist? Tell them by filling in you f-ing census form and politely handing it back to me the collector....................

I've had doors slammed on me, heckles, attempted arguments and the odd bit of swearing.
Now getting chased down the road by dogs, navigating my way around rubbish (some people actually live like those hoarders on A Current Affair!) and trying to fing COMPLETELY HIDDEN front doors I can deal with - but don't yall start wit da attitude cos I ain't in to it..

My favourite part is the people who look down on me because they think that its the only job I can get. Little do they know that I work full time and am trying to boost my overseas funds.

On the plus side all that walking is helping me to lose weight...

Speaking of holidays as of today it is officially 93 days or 3 months to the date until I will be sitting on a plane...

Don't Raise Goldfish at the Bottom of Your Cup

2006-08-07T15:14:00.000+10:00

The advice of a pretend drunk Taiwanese Suono player resonates in my ears today.

Also does Kamahl's "the elephant song".

You should check out www.ntdtv.com to see the real news on what's happening in China.

With only 106 days till we leave (!) things are hotting up in the excitement department.
But the project tasks department is in overdrive with the number of things to get done.

All good in the Budget and Finance department however, with progress on that front.

Man am I over bureaucraticized or what?

4 Eyes

2006-07-21T10:36:00.000+10:00

Well as of today I am officially a 4 eyes.

But wow - how much clearer is everything in the world.

Despite the fact that I keep taking them off and adjusting them because i am not used to that feeling on my nose.

Go figure though, cos they were supposed to be for long distance sight, but I can see the computer now heaps better.

It's Friday which is the best.

And what's even better is that today it is officially 4 months till we fly out of the country!

Holy Crapola, that's scarey.

The Stare

2006-07-19T15:49:00.000+10:00

This from the Age today:
Bombs dropped near port

An Australian woman waiting to be evacuated from Lebanon says bombs have been falling close to Beirut port.

Angela Zene Hadchite told Sky News that bombs were being dropped by Israeli aircraft close to the port where Australians were waiting to board a ferry.

"There was just two bombs, they just bombed twice very close by to us,'' she said.

"The floor just shook beneath us.'' Mrs Hadchite said she believed the bombs were from an Israeli aircraft.

"We can hear Israeli planes,'' she said.

The Australian-Lebanese national, who has been living in Lebanon for the last nine months, had been waiting with her family at the port in Beirut for four hours since 4am for a ferry out.

The ferry is due to leave at 11am Beirut time (6pm AEST).

And John Howard still says that Australia stands by Israel no matter what???

On another note - how true is the "curry stare"?

You know the fact that people of Indian/Sri Lankan background will stare at you to suss out if you are also Indian/Sri Lankan?

It is so bloody stoopid and yet they all do it.

And you know what it must be genetic given my indian blood, cos I find myself looking at Indian/Sri Lankan people too - and so there is probably some curry in Dandenong blogging the fact that I stare at them near Flinders Street Station too..

4 Months and counting

2006-07-17T14:44:00.001+10:00

As of this friday it is 4 months until we fly out of the country.

It feels like only yesterday we decided to go (March)!

With the car gone and the savings on the increase I can see the end in sight!

So anyway.

Don't ever go for a walk at lunchtime in work/black shoes - it will only cause shin splints.

Also - are there any freshwater lakes I can swim in?

www.overit.com.au and www.cantwaittoleave.com.au/andflyoutofhere

It's hard out there for a pump

2006-07-14T14:36:00.000+10:00

But first an update on the car situation.

We got a Roadworthy last night and we are meeting the buyers today to make the sale!

Oh, and in bigger news Tessa passed Uni - finished, fini, complete, the end, finito, kaput.
YEE-HAH

Also, Hustle and Flow is actually a really good film, maing.
i mean dat is da sheet maing.

And if they'd made the film in NZ and not in Memphis Tennessee, then Terence Howard's song would have been known as :

It's hard out there for a pump

Cut me a break!

2006-07-12T08:52:00.000+10:00

Can I get a break on this whole car issue?

So about 6 weeks ago we decided to sell our car, a little old Holden Gemini, within 2-3 days someone wanted to buy it - without advertising it. So we "sold" it to them, and organised to get a roadworthy certificate.
Because we knew the person through our parents, we decided not to worry about taking a deposit. mistake Number 1.

So in order to get the roadworthy they had to do some work on the car - fix locks $130. General repairs - including oil leaks, engine mount and tyres $570

This was after the car yard's mechanic quit and they sent the car elsewhere to get fixed/inspected and kept me waiting for like 1 week.

Then the woman rings up and says she doesnt want the car until after the 1st July.

Note: Roadworthy certificates are only valid for 30 days

A couple who was moving here from mauritius said they were interested in buyin the car, so we held it for 2 weeks without advertising it for them. They arrived with 4 days remaining on the roadworthy and said they didn't want to buy it for the price. Mistake Number 2.

So we put it up on carsales.com.au - and had 4 phone calls within 3 days. A family came over to buy it and paid a deposit. I said "I'll just organise the roadworthy and let you know" Thinking that the roadworthy was a done deal, given of course the $700 spent on fixing the car last time.

I took the car to a reputable mechanic this time that i know well - rather than going back to the same dodgey place mistake number 3.

So i raced off home last night to pick the car up and when I arrived they said it didn't pass for all the same reasons plus more.

So I am sitting here waiting for 9am to come so I can call up the dodgey brothers place that charged me $700 the first time to do F-all.

Meanwhile - can I have a bloody break from stress for 5 minutes please? (Mum, Grandma, uni results, work)

The Moment of Truth

2006-06-23T09:24:00.000+10:00

Thank you Japanese Take away for upsetting my stomach so much that waking up at 4am this morning was so easy!

But then Harry Kewell and Craig Moore made getting up early all worthwhile.

Donald Trump and I have 2 words for Graham Poll - You're fired.

Handball = Penalty
Trying to Bear Hug Viduka = Penalty
2 Yellow Cards = Red Card.
Learn how to count you dumb f$#k

Sorry Hrvatska, but the Socceroos do not smrdi.

All the same The Aussies got through and that's enough for me.

Bring on Lygon Street.........

Coffee Cups and Glumness

2006-06-19T13:16:00.000+10:00

Have you noticed how take away coffee cups have become a fashion accessory?
People look at what your coffee cup says/looks like, summing up where you bought it from and therefore how cool you are?

Did you buy it from Switchboard (Black lid, White cup with a simple stamp)
Pushka - similar to Switchboard, but apparently oh so cool
Basso - Grey coffex cup with a biscuit on top.
Time Out (heaven forbid) yellow cup and a heap of bad service

By the way, did you notice last Tuesday morning everyone in the city was so hyper and happy because of Australia's win over Japan 3-1 and this morning there was an element of glumness in the air after we lost 2-0 to Brazil.

Either that it was the severe tiredness everyone was feeling from lack of sleep.
Damn you Germany and your 8 hour time difference!

Click here: www.worldtimeserver.com/current_time_in_DE.aspx

Olé Olé Olé Olé Olé Olé Olé Olé Olé Olé

frustrations

2006-06-06T21:34:00.000+10:00

Do you ever get frustrated with a whole lot of things at once?

Like when your house just stays messy no matter how much you tidy it up?
And that there isn't anywhere for all your mess to go all the time?
And that when you try and do things to clear up the mess and you do it dodgely like shove clothes into a cupboard - invariably those clothes will then fall out and pull all the others with them creating more mess than you had to begin with.

How much I wish we could click our fingers and tidy up mess like those kids in Mary Poppins with a spoonful of sugar.

Not to mention trying your a ss off to stencil on to a tshirt and every method you try fails like Oprah's weight loss attempts.

The thing is the more frustrated you get at one thing, the more everything will frustrate you including Rove's lack of humour these days and the inability for people remaking 1970's disaster movies to make them better than the original -despite 30 years advance in acting, multi-culturalism, and not to mention SPECIAL EFFECTS - come on people - what were they thinking - (Poseidon)

My diagnosis - deeee-licious.

Surveys and Questionnaires

2006-06-02T16:50:00.000+10:00

Forget the Census on August 8th...

Don't you love getting those email surveys which ask you 50,000 questions, but the only reason someone sent it to you is so that they can tell you what they filled in?

Here's my answers to the latest one I got:

1. What time is it? Tucker Time
2. What's your full name? Dyldo
3. What are you most afraid of? Dyldos
4. What is the most recent movie that you have seen in a theatre? Tha Da Vinci Load
5. Place of birth? Hong Kong, I mean Box Hill
6. Favourite food? Scooby Snacks
7. What's your natural hair colour? Beige
9. Do you scrunch or fold (toilet paper)? Origami Cranes
10. Love someone so much it made you cry? Cried so hard I pee'd my pants
11. Been in a car accident? Too many to count
12. Croutons or bacon bits? That's not Halal
13. Favourite day of the week? Ramadan
14. Favourite Restaurant? Padang Halal Café, Swanston Street
15.Favourite Flower? Wholemeal gluten free
16. Favourite sport to watch? Minh drunk, squeezing people's arses
17. Favourite Drink? Nelly's Pimp Juice
18. Favourite ice cream? You scream
19. Disney or Warner Brothers? Family Guy
20. Favourite fast food restaurant? The Slow Organic Kitchen
21. What colour is your bedroom carpet? peuce
22. How many times you failed your driver's test? As many as I've had car accidents
23 . Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? The same f-ing person who sent me this one
24. What do you do most often when you are bored? Make origami cranes for the next time I gotta visit the loo
25. Bedtime? So long as you are inviting and you aren't Minh.
26. Who will respond to this e-mail the quickest? Me
27. Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond? Me
28. Who is the person that you are most curious to see their Responses? Me
29. Favourite TV shows ? The Channel 31 Aquarium
31. Ford or Holden? Do I look like a Beaconsfield Miner?
32. What are you listening to right now? Kamahl's Klassic Kuts
33. What is your favourite colour? Didn't you ask this already? Beige
34. How many tattoos do you have? As many as I've failed my licence
35. How many pets do you have? As many as I've got tattoos
36. Which came first the chicken or the egg? The Rooster had to come to get either....
37. What would you like to accomplish/do before you die? See the Rooster and the Chicken...
38. How many people are you sending this e-mail to? As many as I've got pets

TV

2006-05-30T21:03:00.000+10:00

It seems like only 2 posts ago I was complaining about the radio, and now I'm back to praise TV.

Actually it's not so much praise as annoyance.

I was determined to hate Big Brother this year and not watch it at all.
but those folks at channel ten really know how to suck us in.

They've got me watching that crapola every moment, not to mention all the other things on tv at the moment like:
Lost, Amazing Race, Prison Break, Thank God You're Here, Family Guy and American Dad!

Now, am I one of those sad people that blogs about TV because they don't have anything better to do??

Funniest thing ever is that the 2006 version of Kylie Mole on "The Wedge" has a crush on some guy called Dylan - hahahaha

Not me I promise!

Game on Moles!

BTW - Have you seen the weird ass ad where the guy goes "My sensitive skin, my sensitive skin - so juicy".
WHAT WERE YOU THINKING STARBURST???!!!

Stop It You're Annoying Me

2006-05-16T14:31:00.000+10:00

Have you ever rocked up to a birthday party and been groped by the Birthday Boy?

That's just plain wrong.

hahahahahaha...

By the way how much do you hate it when you go walking in the city (or anywhere) and smokers blow their smoke in your face - like you weren't having enough of a hard time breathing because you are so unfit, because you spend $70 a month on a gym membership that you never use.

Turn off the Radio, Turn off that BullSh%t

2006-05-08T09:23:00.000+10:00

This is what the Milwaukee Journal said about Dave Chappelle's Block Party:

"The mix of interviews, performances and shtick may make for a loosey-goosey movie, but its 'wish-you-had-been-there' quotient is off the chart."

That is so true.

The words that rang true to me in this movie were "Turn of the Radio, Turn of that Bullsh%t", because if you live in Melbourne you will know just how SH%T the radio is to listen to at the moment.

If you hate Shannon Noll, the Black Eyed Peas and the Rogue traders - then you have no hope - because this is the stuff that they play on repeat on Melbourne radio - coupled with whingey whiney rock - played by 20 year olds who think it's 1970.

Lately I've been tuning in to AM radio - god forbid, and even 'follow me to 693' - to listen to talkback because I would rather hear that than any of the useless rubbish they play on commercial radio. "Go Harvey Norman Go" - "It's as easy as 1,2,3, the Australian Diamond Company - "I just knew Sharon would love the ring I got her" " Oh Darren its so beautiful".
Beeeeeeerrrrrrrrrkkkkkkkkkkkkkk - make me vomit.

Why does Melbourne not have a dedicated underground hip hop/funk radio station like nearly every other country in the world? Even Triple J has given up and hardly ever plays stuff like that anymore.

Whatever........................................................do you want a t-shirt that says
"I'm Black....Don't F^ck with Me"

The end

2006-04-26T14:40:00.000+10:00

It's way to cliché to say that when holidays come to an end: 'I just don't know where the time went' - isn't it?

Well for me I just have to say that having 12 days off in April was awesome.

Things I did I've never done before:

- shovelled about half a tonne of soil
- rode my bike on the main road (warrigal road is a b-eatch!)
- watched more dvd's then I've ever watched in my life
- drove through a dairy farm in a 4wd
- Attended a Mauritian-Mormon wedding ceremony at a church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints
- Attended a Syrian wedding reception - (BTW Melbourne has a reception centre which rivals Dubai hahaha in Somerton)

An appropriate end to the holidays was booking our 2 one-way tickets to Mauritius and Europe - which will come around WAY sooner then expected.

Peace out playaz

Decisions

2006-04-11T16:33:00.000+10:00

Its amazing how different an outlook you can have on life once you make a decision.

It's all you can think about and everything you do is directed at that goal.

Take buying a house - which we've done - that's all we did, spoke, breathed, slept, dreamt, ate etc for about 4 months till we had the big fat mortgage and moved in.

Then buying a car - it was all we did or talked about for about 2 months - and it was a snap decision to go and buy a car, and we did it - and got a great one.

Then snap - we decided - hey let's go overseas and see the world before we get too old. So that's our new decision and that's what we intend to do within the next 7 months.

So you bet - that's all we are talking about and planning and saving for - NGATAPUNA!!!

By the way - living off a budget makes life so much easier and you end up with more money in your pocket then you would have ever had before!

So here's to the next decision - what ever that might be....................

Weekends are the best

2006-04-10T10:23:00.000+10:00

Don't you love it when weekends just go along really well?

Especially when even if busy and full of things to do you still can relax, at least have one sleep in and fall asleep in front of the tv!

Cool:
-our performance on Saturday night!
-sleeping in on Sunday morning
-the dinner I cooked last night
-going to a birthday 3 streets away from where we live and being home in 3 minutes.
- getting a free Thai lunch on Sunday and coming out with $12 extra!

Fool:
-The weather on Saturday!
-Actually I can't think of anything else bad!

Ngatapuna!

Oh, How Embarassment!

2006-03-27T10:37:00.001+11:00

Being half Indian (Goan) and Half Australian (Irish) has always had its moments. From being called a Choc Wedge, to a curry muncher etc etc.

But let me just say that last night watching the attrocious closing ceremony - It was such an advantage - because did the Indians ever show us Melbournian Aussies how to put on a performance.

How sad that the highlight of the whole night was the next country showing us how its done. They used the space, filled it with colour and movement - and best of all actually entertained us.

How the hell did the artistic directors think that pink haired bimbos, Dame Edna and any number of bogan rock bands/performers represented Melbourne/Australia - and that lame excuse for a multicultural performance - people holding up square 'mug shots' of their ancestors, which you could hardly even see - come on!!

The other two highlights was:
1. watching the fireworks from the top floor of a Southbank apartment building balcony.

and

2. Watching my friend scream "this is shit" at the top of his lungs from the same balcony in the hope that Ron Walker et al. might hear his cries!

All in all - when you weigh up the parochial, biased media coverage garbage that channel 9 churned out and the fact that if this was the olympics - Australia would hardly even have featured in any of the medal tallys - you can say that the Festival Melbourne organisers rocked. - Because that was the best part.

At least we could actually see people from countries like Solomon Islands and celebrate their involvement instead of being brushed aside to see another arrogant australian athlete claim a gold medal 0ver an athlete from a country with probably no training facilities and no government sponsored sports system.

The only way Tamsyn Lewis can win is to call England on foot fault. If there was a gold medal for being a dumb mole - then Tamsyn Lewis might win - although she would competing hard with Jana Pittmann.

Let's just say that "We'll see you in Delhi 2010" - can't wait.

Where the Bloody Hell were we?

2006-03-17T09:50:00.000+11:00

So, The question that Melbournians must ask themselves is Where the bloody hell were you in the opening ceremony?

Now, unless I'm mistaken and Melbourne is a real life Dreamworld Theme Park - the fact that Melbourne was represented by koalas, wombats and joeys riding around on thongs, is just not right.

Not to mention that there was no Indigenous Welcome to Country or any other sort of real Indigenous representation.

But what is right about the "Common"wealth Games?

Take for example the fact it is based on the historical fact that Britain having been colonised, invaded and ruled since the year dot - took it on themselves about 600 years ago to go forth and invade, colonise, massacre, convert and enslave numerous lands and peoples across the globe.
(After having done the same thing to Wales, Scotland and Ireland)

The fact that the English language is the tie that binds St Helena to Brunei and Botswana to the Isle of Man -is at the expense of hundreds of indigenous languages and creoles

The protest last week got it right - the Stolenwealth is the best way to describe the 'pink shading on the map'.

From India to Mauritius, Australia to Nauru - the reason why the Queen of England has $7000 hats and private planes and palaces etc etc - is because the wealth, land and people of these countries was 'acquired' by her ancestors through such garbage policies as 'terra nulius'.

How good that John So got a better applause than either the Queen or Lil' John.

If there is one thing to admire about the USA - its that they decided years ago to be a republic. even if they are now setting out to commercially and culturally colonise the rest of the world.

On the upshot - as part of the games there are awesome performers in town - take seeing Jimmy Cliff last night for free at the Bowl. and tonight Mama Africa - Miriam Makeba again - for free!

By the way - Soon there will be the Blankshooting Games - which will be 'the best games ever'

see: http://blankshooting.blogspot.com

Let's Wok!

Not So friendly!

2006-03-08T10:45:00.000+11:00

From News.com.au:

Ghost caught pinching bums

A MEDIUM has been called in to investigate reports of a ghost that was pinching women's buttocks at the local pub.

Staff at the century-old Cornwall Arms have reported several encounters with the touchy-feely phantom.

Lisa Potter claims to have been spooked several times since taking over the pub six months ago with husband Craig.

"It goes very cold and then it feels as if someone is brushing up against you and touching your bottom," the 28-year-old told The Sun newspaper.

The couple have called in local medium Gayle Force, 52, who claims the pest is a former chef.

Interesting Article

2006-03-03T08:31:00.001+11:00

Unlike my other posts this is purely to share with you an interesting article from the National Geographic.

"Scientists announced today the discovery of a small "kingdom" on the Indonesian island of Sumbawa thought to have been obliterated by the largest volcanic eruption in recorded history. "

Read the whole article here:

http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/02/0227_060227_lost_kingdom.html

Somebody's got your goat

2006-02-28T12:24:00.000+11:00

From www.news.com.au:

Man forced to marry goat
From: From correspondents in Malakal, Sudan
February 27, 2006

A MAN caught "in flagrante delicto" with a goat has been forced to marry the animal.

According to the local newspaper, The Juba Post, the goat's owner, a Mr Alifi, caught his neighbour, Mr Tombe, assaulting his goat and reported the man to the local council of elders for adjudication.
"It was around midnight when Tombe came to do his nonsense on my goat, and I was already in bed inside my house," Mr Alifi said.

"Suddenly I heard the goat make a loud noise. Immediately I rushed outside to find Mr Tombe was naked and engaged in a relationship with my goat. " When I asked him what are you doing there, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up. They said I should not take him to the police, but rather let him pay a dowry for my goat because he used it as his wife."

Mr Tombe agreed to pay a dowry of 150,000 Sudanese dinars ($125) for his new spouse.

Advertisement:
"We have given him the goat, and as far as we know they are still together," Mr Alifi told the Post.

Good Luck? I don't fink so

2006-02-27T22:14:00.000+11:00

So I got poo'd on by a bird on Friday evening. Not the best thing that can happen to you at Fed Sq. Lucky for me, we have an office nearby where I could get changed.

Things that happened on the weekend that were Good Luck:
- Great party at a friend's at Southbank on Friday night - great cocktails
- It didn't rain all day in geelong on Saturday
- My car didn't overheat

Bad Luck:
- no parking for performers at the festival
- batteries going dead on my camera
- my video camera broken
- Running late to perform so cutting it all short

All in all when it comes to good luck and bad luck and birds poo-ing on you - all that it means, is that you've gotta wash your shirt.

Peace out Chomps

The Machines Are Evil

2006-02-23T12:29:00.000+11:00

Despite the fact that they put up signs everywhere around the pokies at Crown that say:
"Touching the machines in special ways does not heighten your chances of winning" and
"Playing that one more time, does not mean you will win"

There are still thousands of people feeding their dollar coins, notes and cards into these evil machines which tell you "You've hit the big time" - despite the fact that you've only won $0.20cents........................

They need a new sign that says:

"The only person who wins at the casino, is the owner"

None the less - to the cleaning lady who told me not to take this picture I say: GEISHA!

How do you know we aren't going to the ferry?

2006-02-20T21:09:00.001+11:00

So the Port Authority at Station pier wanna keep us out of Campari car parks?
Well I say Tuborg to them, Tuborg - The houses of the West are hospitable.

On another note (G Sharp):

to all the petrolheads who stole all the carparks at Crown on Sunday to park for the Motorshow I say "Shame, Shame Shame" -

Why didn't you ride your eco-friendly sustainable living (www.slf.org.au) slapband bikes to the city and leave space for those of us who drive overheating, 20 year old geminis to park.

On another note (B Flat):

Hospitality abounds in Southbank and the Western Suburbs: To my friends in Southbank, Altona and Williamstown I say you rock, because you are very hospitable and have great houses/apartments.

And the final word:

COOL: Tutoring French and interviews on SBS radio.

TOOL: Do I even have to say it? - cos those who know this person, know this person....

Until next time, take care of yourselves....and each other.

Hide And Seek

2006-02-17T14:32:00.000+11:00

Now I've heard of guys hiding in washing machines, but this is taking it a bit too far....

News.com.au said:
A YOUTH who tied himself to a foldaway bed because he was bored was rescued by police after becoming trapped in its mechanism, officials said.Neighbors alerted the police in the western German town of Schwelm after hearing the 16-year-old's cries for help.

more: http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,18165875-13762,00.html

What did you put in it?

2006-02-16T20:32:00.000+11:00

Is it just me or do city cafes charge too much for sandwiches? also read focaccias, bruschetta and everything in between (wraps, pita, turkish and lebanese bread [is there even a difference?], baguettes........)

What did you put in it guys to make it so damn expensive?

And what's with serving bruschetta as a serve of antipasto and two pieces of bread - if I wanted to make it myself I wouldn't be paying YOU $9.90 for the pleasure............

Wise up, and if you are wise get down to B's in Centre Place, melbourne for $3.50 baguettes.

And straight after say hi to the lonely Security Guard at the corner of centre way and Collins Street - you'll fill your stomach and your quota for nicetys in one go.

Go forth and action panch!

More signage please

2006-02-13T20:02:00.000+11:00

So do you think that it's part of the fitness plan for us once a month gym go-ers that they made the fitness first at melbourne central so damn hard to find?
After asking 3 people we finally found our way to some hidden lifts.
Anyone would think that we paid $60 a month to visit an adult book store they hid the entrance so bad.
On another note - the sun is shining, the koalas are drinking and the possum skin cloaks are hanging on the coat rack.

peace out playa

Am I tom?

2006-02-09T11:31:00.000+11:00

Cabin Crew - Cross Check and Report.

The recipe for a great weekend:

1 x 8 seater tarago
1 x 3 bedroom Awesome Beach House
2 x AirMauritius Flight Attendants
A handful of funny friends
1 x Sunny weather
1 x Guess Who board game
A truckload of stupid jokes

Am I Tom??

Sin noodle or sik noodle?

2006-01-31T19:00:00.000+11:00

Don't know bout you, but this menu makes me hungry

Never Wear a Seal Hat to the Zoo

2006-01-31T18:32:00.000+11:00

Things have cooled down in Melbourne so the koalas have stopped drinking from the pools.

No more constant air-con or fans.

Yesterday I saw a beanie.

On the edge

2006-01-30T13:15:00.000+11:00

Sometimes I wonder what actually makes people do what they do.
I mean what made this person spend hours on photoshop manipulating an image to make it look like someone is about to jump from La Tour Eiffel?
Or, if it is in fact real what made that person be on the edge about to jump into the Trocadero gardens.
Or why do British (or Scottish) bands always make themselves look like it's 1965 and they are the lost skinny members of the early beatles? (Read Franz Ferdinand on the Today Show on Friday morning)
Or what makes people who make Bollywood movies make them so incredibly daggy?
http://www.badmash.org/videos/videos_flv.php?v=jan_pehechaan_ho384K_Stream.flv&t=Gumnaam

Peace out playa

Bottle Blondes and Tan in a Can

2006-01-27T15:18:00.000+11:00

Gentrified Bogans is a new phrase I learnt on Wednesday night!
Let's just also say that if you have light skin and you reach the age of 50 - stop turning your skin to leather and stop applying fake tan - especially if you are male.
That's just wrong!!

Have you noticed

2006-01-24T17:38:00.000+11:00

that public transport gets smellier the hotter it gets.

2006-01-23T15:51:00.000+11:00

When I lived in Boronia - we used to sit upstairs and watch the flames when there were bushfires in the dandenongs
It was so close you could hear the crackling of the wood and the hiss of the water putting out the flames.
But this is scary.

Broken

2006-01-19T18:01:00.000+11:00

Well my self imposed Detox of no alcohol (initiated after the insane amount of alcohol I consumed last Saturday night) was broken today. I skulled a beer during a photo shoot.
Bad move.
On another note - The forecast I hear is for hot hot hot which means that this weekend will be:

a. hot like wasabi;
b. So hot right now like Jade Mcrae; or
c. hot as a polar bear wearing a possum skin cloak

I pity da fool

2006-01-17T21:02:00.000+11:00

Well Let's just say:

Pity cost nothing and ain't worth nothing.
-- Josh Billings
1815-1885, American Humorist, Lecturer

Oh Dear

2006-01-17T08:33:00.000+11:00

Well as the saying goes

"if you drink and spin - you are guaranteed to be sick."

When the service smells

2006-01-13T16:22:00.000+11:00

Have you noticed how bad customer service can be in melbourne?
It was so bad today at lunch that i drew this picture..........

Dial 1900 HI-JACK

2006-01-13T10:13:00.000+11:00

All my train PA ever says is "Connex apologises for any inconvenience caused"

From News.com.au:
MELBOURNE'S train temptress has struck again.

However police and rail officials have met to plan an end to her saucy crime spree.
The woman broke into a cabin on a peak-hour Frankston train on Tuesday night and broadcast X-rated praise of the driver to stunned commuters.

http://www.news.com.au/story/0,10117,17799630-13762,00.html

On the nose

2006-01-12T15:01:00.000+11:00

Have you been to the basement at Myer in melbourne lately?
They must spray aftershave or perfume in the air - because it always smells the same in each different section.
It's like they know we smell or something.
Weird.

More photos from our journey to Dubai

2006-01-12T12:05:00.000+11:00

You may have seen photos and news about our trip in Dubai at www.blankshooting.blogspot.com - Here's another picture.
Note the lack of Desert, Gold and Man-made islands.
oh - and lack of Michael Jackson.

L'état de Jardin

2006-01-12T09:13:00.000+11:00

I would pay more than $8.95 to watch Natalie Portman iceskate in an alligator costume.
On the Action 5™ scale - I give Garden State an enthusiastic Action 5 out of 5.

Mark: So this is it...
Andrew Largeman: So knock... knock and barter for Desert Storm trading cards.
Mark: Don't tease me about my hobbies. I don't tease you about being an asshole.

Titembay: Someone has been pissing on my Gamecube and I'm about to close the case.

Titembay: Peace out playa

Haircut

2006-01-12T09:00:00.000+11:00

I'm getting my hair cut tonight, and not soon enough

Profound lyrics - Wasabi by Lee Harding

2006-01-11T14:27:00.000+11:00

How can this song make number one?
I love how they made Tiffany's rhyme with Armani....

http://www.lyricstop.com/w/wasabi-leeharding.html

3 days till my birthday

2006-01-11T13:27:00.000+11:00

There are only 3 days until my 25th Birthday. Go the Cosby Kids.

Wanted for crimes against his liver

2006-01-11T13:08:00.000+11:00

Showers for People, Washing Machines for clothes

2006-01-11T12:54:00.000+11:00

This guy wins the award for stupidest place to hide during hide and seek - followed closely by that stupid wardrobe in the dumbest film made this year - Narnia

New Years Eve Madness

2006-01-11T12:34:00.000+11:00

Let's just say that New Years Eve was one crazy blur that I can't remember.

Ngatapuna

2006-01-11T12:30:00.000+11:00

You are only 1% away from being ooze my friend.